About a month ago, I encountered a pretty scary situation that I never want to go through again. Unfortunately I wasn't the only one involved, Nick was put in a position that made him uncomfortable as well.
You see, before I got the phone call about my promotion at work things weren't going so well. Stress had become a roommate in my house, one that couldn't just be evicted on last minute notice. The night before my interview I had a severe anxiety attack.
If you have never witnessed or experienced an anxiety attack, I hope you never have to. It puts a panic attack to shame. The scariest part about this whole thing is that I'm only going off of what Nick and my family tells me, I barely remember anything.
I remember getting ready to go to bed, I was getting all my stuff together for the next day because I had to be at work by 5 am. I realized I had forgotten to do my laundry so I had nothing clean for not only work but the interview as well. I started the laundry and thought I asked Nick to finish it for me so I could go to bed. Little did I know, stress was about to take over my whole body.
According to what I was told, I started panicking because I didn't feel prepared for the next day. My laundry wasn't done, I didn't look over my notes, I felt like my opportunity to do well had slipped away and it was all because I didn't prepare myself earlier. The panicking caused my breathing to speed up and Nick said it didn't slow down at all, it continued to get worse. Eventually I couldn't control my breathing and I fell back on the bed, my breath stopped. He had to shake me to wake me up and get me to breathe again. I was unresponsive he said and breathing in such a way it sounded like an animal dying. He called my mom, and his mom, asking what to do. He put the phone up to my mouth so they could hear me and everyone said to call 911 except my mom. I think she knew deep down inside I was going to be ok. I passed out two more times, again, Nick had to shake me to wake me up to breathe. He sat behind me to hold me up and about a half hour later, he talked to me asking if I was ok. Somehow I said yeah, after not responding for 30 minutes and laid down on the ground, slowing my heart down and my breathing. I fell asleep at that point. Nick moved me into bed and I woke up in the middle of the night in excruciating pain. Apparently an anxiety attack can put your body through hell. I felt like someone had beat the crap out of me.
Our families had researched and found out that an anxiety attack can last anywhere from 10-20 minutes, 30 minutes would have been grounds for calling 911, because the way you start breathing, you can lose oxygen going to your brain and you could even get brain damage. I was told that with the amount of stress and caffeine that I had in my body that day, its no wonder I had the attack, and with the lack of oxygen, I could have had a stroke, and worse, died. Extreme case, I know, but scary enough for me to wake up and pay attention.
You all know the result of my interview, I did very well. However, I knew that if I continued to let stress from work affect my wellbeing, I was in trouble...again.
So, I started my yoga up again. I needed a way to recognize when I needed to breathe. Stressful situations would make me tense up, my chest would get tight and I would get quiet. I don't talk a lot when im stressed, I keep to myself.
Anyway, I've always loved doing yoga. But when I got back into it and went to classes regularly (about 3 times a week), I felt so much better. Like I really woke myself up.
What I love about yoga is it really teaches you to discipline yourself. If nothing else, it teaches you focus. If you go to a yoga class and the only thing you do is sit and breathe and ONLY focus on what is going on within the four walls you are sitting in, you will learn so much. Do you know how hard it is to not think about what's going on outside or what happened during your day for 90 minutes 3 times a week? Seriously, try it. It's not as easy as it seems. But for me, I love the rhythm, the flow of the movements, the poses, the strength I gain not only for my body but for my soul too.
I don't do the traditional yoga, I do vinyasa flow yoga which is often called "hot" yoga. It's a 90 minute class in a 95 degree room. You sweat, you twist, you bend and you feel SO good when you're done.
My instructor told our class, "trust me, if you think that you won't be able to focus on what's going on what's happening inside the class and not the outside world, just wait until you start sweating. All you will think about is your movements and how hot it is in here." For most of us, this was funny. For others, it was true. It was too hot for them and lots of people walked out. But from personal experience, it's mind over matter. If you tell yourself you want to be stronger and you want to cleanse your body, you will. If you tell yourself you can't do it and it's too hot, you'll never get through it. But then again, isn't that the same thing with our everyday lives?
Take it one step at a time and try, try again. But most importantly, take time for yourself and what matters most.
And breathe, just breathe.
Namaste.
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